The Irony of Know-More-Tilt-More.

I've had many a student with MENSA-level IQ's.  They are easy to train.  They understand everything I throw at them in a snap.  They come up with new things and end up teaching me more than I can ever teach them.

But they are not my most successful students.  They all tilt harder than everyone else.

Nobody can bust a bankroll faster than a guy who is so smart, he can convince himself that he does not care.  He cannot care about a game's results because he thinks of everyone else as an idiot.  His ego will refuse to allow himself to be lumped in with all these idiots.  So he will do things to separate himself from these lucky fucking donkey idiot losers.

Since genius-ego needs to be the best - better than everyone - it's not much of a stretch to play like the biggest idiot of them all.


What it all boils down to is self-flagellation.

It's very simple.  The more I know, the more I hate myself for doing the wrong thing.  Even when "I did everything right"... The more I understand that I am doing the right thing, the more distressed I am when the results are unrewarding.

Then confidence disappears:  "Maybe I am not doing the right thing after all...?"  (See this previous post about loss of confidence).

And then it's time to punish myself.  Which is sad, because the real first step to being successful is to have fun.  And I can't have fun if I'm not being nice to myself.  Nice to my bankroll.  Nice to my fellow (fucking idiot!) players.

(I posted previously about recovering the A-Game and having fun here)


I post all this today, because I ran into a post on a player's blog on the PilipinasPoker Forums.  Now this player is someone I consider to be a definite inevitable game-crusher.  He has all the tools - the passion, the ability to ask the right questions and get the right answers, a grasp of the math, an articulation of the game's concepts, and the vulnerability to put himself out there to be sculpted by the wisdom (or lack thereof) of others.

He plays well.  He wins.  But he plays NL10 with a bankroll of $1200+  And he confesses to tilting easily, as evidenced by a brief outburst:

Bankroll:  1263.21
And just like that, I'm down again.  FU Stars!


The thread runs to a point where he confesses a loss of confidence, which is shocking to those of us who have seen him play.

On a serious note I know it's ridiculous, but my confidence level at this site is at an all-time low.  I've never been 15 buyins below all-in EV before and also being rivered too often lately it just feels like Pokerstars is cheating me out of my money.  Of course I know it's not true, it just feels that way.

I just need my confidence back.  Maybe win a few sessions in a row.  Maybe win 15 buyins.  Maybe suckout on somebody 5 times in a row.  I don't know.  Playing at Donkroom and winning doesn't help, so maybe this will do?

I'm even thinking about playing and just shoving all hands at 2NL and see what happens and maybe break this bad variance.   After I lose like some 50 buyins then maybe I can start winning again?  Bad idea of course.


So after a few well-meaning but empty replies where it is suggested that he "control his emotions" or "develop composure" I thought I'd pay a big blind and throw in my two cents.


"There are many techniques to manage tilt yourself, detect early warning signs, etc... I am very sure someone with your passion and resourcefulness has already seen the materials.  There may be almost nothing I can share with you that you haven't read somewhere.

Counting to ten is good (Tommy Angelo?) but I personally use it mainly as an indicator of my focus (i.e. if I can't make it to ten, I'm washed out).  IMO it's only going to pipe you down a bit, but not completely reset you if you are the emotional type to begin with.  Dusty suggests one can (and should) tough it out and "play through tilt" - but he's leatherass, and I'm not.  So I have to take swim breaks, boxing breaks, xbox breaks...

The other devices are no guarantee - alarms that go off after an hour so I can cold-quit, monetary stop losses, going to a "quiet place" (internal or external) to re-center, sitting on a slow-fired water boiler so that I have to literally and physically get off my seat  - the very nature of tilt means that I am predisposed to ignore all those devices at a time when I need them the most anyway.

It's unrealistic to expect rational actions during emotional stress.  So if you are prone to emotional blackouts, you cannot save yourself.  You can only hope the wave passes before you can destroy yourself.


So where does that leave this attempt at advice?  Get a grindmate.


People of high intelligence tend to be overachievers who are very hard on themselves.  Any error or failure or bad result triggers a desire to self-flagellate.  The thing that makes it doubly harder is that we pride ourselves in figuring things out and lifting ourselves out of the funk.  We know all too well what needs to be done, and we believe in our own ability to "buckle down and just fucking do it."

Yes, I've switched pronouns, so that you can hopefully believe me when I say I know how it feels.


The bad news is that the more I know, the less likely I am going to seek help.  It gets to a point where the help I need isn't someone who will give me more tips and ideas, but just someone who will cuss me out, embarrass me, squash my ego, and remind me that I am imperfect.

I once asked a student to think hard and name someone that she would allow to pull her off the table when she starts to act tilty.  She couldn't name anyone.
 
And you?  Is there a person who can say "tsk tsk" and make you say "sorry, I'm being stupid"...?

Is this person realistically nearby?  You could sync your grind with someone like that.  It could be someone from these forums, who will sit with you and threaten to take screenshots of your bad play for posting.  (I am sure many will volunteer.  Harsh reality: people are always waiting to knock you down a peg or two.)

In lieu of a grindmate, you could clear up some drivespace and camtasia all your sessions.  Make sure you post them online unedited.  That's not a lot of work if you have the machine for it (it all just runs in the background).  That creates a virtual grindmate.  If you know the lot of us are going to see you do dumb things, it might help."